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Family Support Planner

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The short version to write on paper: The plan does not depend on this page. On paper, write one to five tasks and, for each one, the person who has agreed to own it or "to agree", exactly what is asked, what done means, who steps in if it does not happen, and what would make you look at it again. Then write one separate line for each kind of support: practical help, someone to listen, skilled newborn or feeding help when there is a baby, routine healthcare, and urgent help.

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What are you planning for?

This changes the wording on your sheet, not what you are allowed to pick.

The stretch you are planning for

Who is around to share this?

Nothing here assumes a couple, a marriage, a biological link, one home or a second income. Answer for the adults who are genuinely available, not the ones who are supposed to be.

Adults who can actually take something on

Count someone only if they could take a task this week.

What has to happen?

Choose one to five tasks. One is enough to start.

The tasks that matter most between now and the moment you look at this again

Who owns each one?

Owning a task is not the same as doing every part of it. The owner is the person who makes sure it happens, gets what it needs ready beforehand, and notices when it has not. It is worth saying out loud what counts as done, so two people are not working to different versions of it.

Agreed owner, or to agree (Optional)

Ask before recording a commitment. A blank or “to agree” is a valid answer. Write a role or a first name you are comfortable with.

Precise request (Optional)

What does done mean for this task? (Optional)

Who decides if two needs conflict? (Optional)

Anyone else who follows it up (Optional)

Leave this blank and following up stays with the owner, which is the ordinary case. Write a name only where somebody else has agreed to do it. Nobody on this sheet is meant to end up checking on everyone.

What would make you look at this task again? (Optional)

Optional. When to look at the whole plan again is asked on a later step.

Who steps in if it does not happen?

A backup is not a second owner. It is the person who picks it up on the day it falls over, so that nobody has to negotiate it at seven in the evening.

Backup person or service, or to agree (Optional)

Ask before recording a commitment. A blank or “to agree” is a valid answer.

If you cannot do it, who steps in, and what gives?

There is no second adult at home to write here. A person or service outside the house can still be a backup for a task, but only once they have agreed, so a blank or “to agree” is a valid answer. The other honest question is what gives: when the day goes wrong, which of the optional things is allowed to not happen? Feeding, medicine and care do not belong on that list. If they are the only things left to drop, that is the point to look for help rather than to plan around it.

Backup person or service, or to agree (Optional)

Ask before recording a commitment. A blank or “to agree” is a valid answer.

Deciding this now, once, is worth more than deciding it badly at the end of a bad day. Keep it to what is optional: a standard, an errand, a visit. It is also the line to show someone if they ask what would help.

What help is real, and what would you still have to ask for?

The difference matters. Help nobody has been asked for is not a plan yet. Skilled help stays on its own line too: emotional support from someone close and help from a professional are not interchangeable, and a friend who brings food is not the person to answer a health question. Add one contact or next question for each kind of support below, and only a person or service that has agreed or that you can really reach. Nothing here checks whether anyone is available or qualified.

Listening does not replace qualified mental health care. If you are worried about your own mental health or someone else's, put that professional under routine healthcare, or under urgent help if it cannot wait.

The emergency service that applies where your family expects to be. Recheck the contact for another home, after a move, or before travel. It stays on its own line, separate from routine care.

Help somebody has already agreed to (Optional)

Only tick these if the person has actually said yes.

Help you would still have to ask for (Optional)

This is what the message at the end is for. If there is nobody you can think of, looking up what local groups or services exist near you is a next step in itself.

What comes off the list, and when do you look at this again?

Something has to move to make room for the tasks above. Write down which one, and when you expect to look at the plan again. If you are the only adult at home and have already written what gives, this can be that same thing.

A standard you are lowering, a commitment you are canceling, an errand that waits. It should be something optional: care, feeding, medicine and appointments that matter are not what this line is for.

Is it gone or is it waiting? (Optional)

Write it the way that works for you: a date, an event such as "the first weekend after the move", or a regular time. Look sooner if somebody who agreed becomes unavailable, if health or feeding needs change, if someone in the house is overwhelmed, if work or housing changes, or if the plan stops feeling safe.

What is not settled?

Optional, and worth doing. What you tick here comes out on the sheet as a short list of what still needs an answer.

Still not agreed (Optional)

The message you would send

A clear request is easier to say yes to than a vague one. The three lines below are the message itself, in the order you would send them, in your words.

Write the sentence you would actually send, not a summary of it. "Could you leave a meal at the door on Thursday?" is easier to answer than "can you help?". Say any limit that matters, for instance no visit, no photos, or a food allergy.

A day, and a rough time if you have one. If it can move, say so: a request that can move is easier to accept than a fixed one.

This is where you give them room to say no. Write what you would really say, and do not promise you have another plan if you do not.

Where this sheet stops

This is a plan for ordinary load. If you are not coping, or you are frightened for yourself or your child, this sheet is not the right help and it is not a substitute for talking to someone. If you fear monitoring, coercive control or violence, do not fill in this plan with that person and do not keep shared notes they could find: look for confidential help from a trained person or service instead of planning together. If anyone is in immediate danger, use the emergency services in the place where that person is.

What this will not do
  • It does not score anything. There is no fairness rating, no mental load index and no comparison with other families.
  • It is not a feeding, sleep or medical schedule. If you need one of those, that is a conversation with a professional, not a form.
  • It cannot tell you whether a division of work is right. It can only write down what you have agreed and show you what you have not.
  • It will not contact anybody for you, and it does not write the request itself. The words are yours, and so is the decision to send them.
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Sources of this tool

Written for any country: nothing on it is specific to where you live yet.

The book's references for chapter 5

This is a plan for ordinary load. If you are not coping, or you are frightened for yourself or your child, this sheet is not the right help and it is not a substitute for talking to someone. If you fear monitoring, coercive control or violence, do not fill in this plan with that person and do not keep shared notes they could find: look for confidential help from a trained person or service instead of planning together. If anyone is in immediate danger, use the emergency services in the place where that person is.