Family Values Worksheet
Print the blank sheet to fill in
The book's explanations for this sheet (PDF)
How to use it
- Print it, or copy the headings onto any piece of paper. Both work equally well.
- Start with the adults who will care for the child. If your children are here, invite their ideas in a way that works for them: talking, drawing, or helping somebody else write. Use the "Ideas we'd like to keep" lines for what comes up, in the words people used rather than your translation of them.
- Then go to the table and keep up to four values together. One is enough to start. The ideas you do not carry across are for another conversation rather than a rejection, and nobody has to defend one they suggested.
- For each one, fill in the line that matters: what somebody would actually see us doing. "Kindness" is a word. "We listen before answering" is a value you can see.
- Fill in what an adult can say when one of us does not manage it, then one small step for this week and when you will look at the sheet again. Then stop. That is the whole exercise.
Read the sheet on screen
What do we want our family to stand for?
Before you start
Choose a calm moment. You can write, talk, draw, or ask someone to write for you.
If you're preparing for a baby, start with the adults who will care for them. If your child can take part, invite their ideas in a way that works for them.
Ideas we'd like to keep
What helped us as children? What would we like to do differently?
A few values to practice
Choose up to four together. One is enough to start. A value such as kindness becomes more useful when you name an action: "We listen before answering." Keep the other suggestions for another conversation; nobody has to defend their choice.
Our value
What we can do
When we may need help
When we don't manage it
Something an adult can say: "I interrupted you. I'm sorry. I'll listen now."
Our words
One way we'll put things right
One step, and when we come back to this
One thing to do this week, and a moment to come back to the sheet.
One small step this week
We'll look at this again
Before you keep or display the sheet
Display it only if that is safe for everyone involved. These boxes are an optional reminder, not a test.
- Everyone who wanted to add something had a way to do it
- Each value has a line saying what it looks like in practice
- The adults are held to these too, in the same words
- Nothing on the sheet is a rule for the children only
- We wrote one small step and when we would look at this again
These values apply to adults too. Adapt how you practice them to each person's needs. This is a family conversation, not a test of obedience.
If it is not safe to sit down together
This sheet asks the adults in a house to agree on something in writing, and a conversation about values only helps if everyone can take part without fear. If shared notes, a disagreement or a refusal could lead to monitoring, retaliation, coercive control or violence, do not fill in this sheet together. Look for confidential, local human support first. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact the emergency services where you are. Nobody should have to negotiate their safety with a violent person to finish a family exercise.
What this will not do
- It does not tell you what to value. There is no correct set, and nothing here is scored or compared with anybody else's.
- It is not a behavior system, a reward chart or a discipline method.
- Writing a value down does not make it true in your house. What makes it true is the line underneath it, the one about what you actually do.
- It does not plan for the hard moment while it is happening. That is a different job and it is linked at the foot of this page. What the sheet does hold is what an adult can say afterwards, and one way to put things right.
Privacy and sources
This page has no form: nothing on it is typed, saved or sent. Printing goes through your own browser.
Related tool
Sources of this sheet
- WHO guidelines on parenting interventions to prevent maltreatment and enhance parent-child relationships with children aged 0-17 years
World Health Organization. Supports general relational principles behind the sheet. Does not evaluate this editorial worksheet.
- Meta-analysis of emotion socialization interventions
PubMed. Supports the idea that how adults respond to feelings can be taught. The trials involved parents of children aged 18 months to 6 years 11 months. They tested structured programs, not this sheet.