Difficult Conversation Prep
Print the blank sheet to fill in
The book's explanations for this sheet (PDF)
How to use it
- Pick one conversation, not the list of things you have been meaning to raise.
- Choose the moment before the words: a time and place where you can pay attention, and where your child can stop when they want to.
- Write one or two open questions and stop. A question with no answer built into it leaves room for one you did not expect.
- Fill in what you can honestly promise before you start, so you are not deciding it while your child is talking.
- Read the short instruction about a disclosure of harm beforehand, not for the first time in the middle of the conversation.
- Keep the sheet nearby if notes help you listen, and let your child answer in whatever way works for them.
If your child tells you they have been harmed, or you believe they are in danger, promptly contact a child-protection service in the place where your child is. If there is immediate danger, call the emergency services there.
Read the sheet on screen
Prepare to listen
Before you begin
Use this for a conversation you want to start. Choose one topic and a moment when you can pay attention.
Your child can talk, write, draw, use a communication aid, or ask for a break. You can keep a few notes nearby if they help you listen.
What I am preparing
What I want to understand
When and where my child may feel comfortable
One way to begin
"I've noticed ______________. How has that been for you?"
Or: "Is there something you'd like me to understand?"
My words
One or two questions, if they want to talk
"What would you like me to know?" or "What would help from me?"
Leave room for silence. You don't need to finish every question or settle everything today.
If there is a safety concern, don't postpone getting help to finish the conversation.
What I can honestly promise
"I'll take you seriously. If I need help to keep you safe, I'll explain what I'm doing as soon as I safely can."
Don't promise total secrecy or an outcome you cannot control.
My words
If my child tells me they have been harmed
Listen without pressing for details. Reassure them that telling you was the right thing to do and that abuse is not their fault. Don't confront the person they name.
Promptly contact a child-protection service in the place where your child is. If there is immediate danger, call the emergency services there. Explain the next steps in words your child can understand.
Who I can contact for support
How we'll return to this, if needed
Last check before I start
Use this as a reminder, not a test you must complete.
- I have one topic, not four
- I have chosen a moment that exists in a normal week
- My questions do not contain the answer I am expecting
- I know what I can honestly promise, and what I cannot
- I have read the lines about a disclosure of harm
- I am ready for the conversation to end early and be picked up another day, without delaying help if there is a safety concern.
Communication and outside support
The conversation can use speech, sign, augmentative and alternative communication (AAC), drawing, writing, an accessible interpreter, or another trusted format. Allow breaks and extra time. Do not assume eye contact, fluent speech, a standard puberty path, two parents, or biological kinship. If the young person depends on the adult or institution involved in a concern, help them reach someone outside that relationship.
Keep any notes private. The purpose is to understand and support your child, not collect answers for an interrogation.
If your child has already told you something
Then preparing is not the first task. Listen without pressing for details, tell them that telling you was the right thing to do and that it is not their fault, and promptly contact a child-protection service in the place where your child is. If there is immediate danger, call the emergency services there. Come back to this sheet later, for the conversations that follow.
What this will not do
- It is preparation, not urgent help. If your child is in danger now, first contact the emergency services in the place where your child is. The sheet can wait.
- It cannot tell you what every answer means. If your child tells you they have been harmed, the sheet gives one short instruction and names the kind of service to contact, because reporting routes and duties differ from one country to the next.
- It is not a script. The example sentences are there to be reworded, and there is a line for your own words under each one.
- It cannot promise the conversation goes well. Some end early, and you can pick the subject up another day.
Privacy and sources
This page has no form: nothing on it is typed, saved or sent. Printing goes through your own browser.
Sources of this sheet
- Responding to children and adolescents who have been sexually abused: WHO clinical guidelines
World Health Organization. Why the sheet never turns into an investigative interview. Written for health workers, not parents.
- Guidelines for the health sector response to child maltreatment
World Health Organization. Backs handing over to a trained service rather than handling it alone.
- mhGAP Intervention Guide
World Health Organization. Backs the immediate-risk exit ahead of any questionnaire. A clinical guide; the sheet only routes to humans.
- General Comment No. 20 (2016) on the implementation of the rights of the child during adolescence
UN Committee on the Rights of the Child. Why the young person's voice and confidentiality limits are handled explicitly.